Single People Don’t Have it so Bad Either

You cannot debate married life versus single life without mentioning the one thing that single people have, that married people do not! FREEDOM! Freedom to go and come as they please without having to explain or ask someone else. Freedom to hang out and get drunk if they want to without worrying that someone will get mad. Freedom to have a one-night stand with someone just because you think they are hot. Freedom to buy whatever you want, with no around to tell you no. Freedom to be as clean or messy in your own home as you want without worrying that your make up on the sink will become your husbands pet peeve. Freedom to have a bed to yourself, to not have to listen to someone else snore and freedom to sleep however you want to without sharing the covers.

Single people also are not as tied down to one locale as married people. If a single person gets an amazing job offer on the other side of the country – they can jump right on it without consulting the family or asking anyone else how they feel.

The cons of both lifestyles differ from person to person. If you are involved in a bad marriage than single life will seem like a dream come true. Likewise, if you are unable to find someone to spend your time with, then you will likely feel lonely and frightened no matter how successful your life is. The key to weighing the differences is actually in enjoying the lifestyle you have while you have it.

There is also one constant in the single versus married life. That constant is you! Just because you get married to someone doesn’t necessarily mean you change whom you are. You might change and learn to compromise, you might grow a bit – but the person that you have always been is still there. Often, it is the way you look at things that have changed. In a good marriage, few people would ever turn back to single hood. In a bad marriage, people crave to be single. When you are single and having the time of your life, imagining being tied so tightly to one other person can feel like an enormous nightmare. Yet, if you are single and lonely – having someone to grow old with feels like a breath of fresh air.

It seems that it is human nature to always be thinking that the grass on the other side of the fence is always greener. Perhaps that is why it is most important to live life to your standards each moment. Carpe diem! Seize the life you have and try to pull all the goody out of it so that you don’t spend your future regretting any decisions or missed opportunities. And even so, you still will. You will look forward and back as if your brain is pendulum swinging in both directions. At some point, you will fall nicely in the middle, being able to enjoy the ebb and flow of your life and remaining both grateful and optimistic about what your future holds, whether you are single or married!

Single Versus Married Life – Pros and Cons

The grass is always greener, right? When it comes to the single versus married life, it is difficult to be objective. Each has its pros and cons at different times and they both certainly take a different mindset to enjoy. Married people often wonder what it would be like to be single again, while single people spend countless hours searching for their soul mate. So, which is better? In the end, you will have to decide that for yourself but the lesson here is to enjoy the life you have, while you have it and who you have it with. Things can change in an instant, and sometimes getting what you wish for is not all its cracked up to be.

Let’s start with the married side of the single versus married life battle. Marriage definitely has its advantages. There is no more hunting for the perfect date. You get to finally start building something with someone who has made a commitment to you. You can stay home and start enjoying the routine life of knowing what to expect. In addition to that, you can take your makeup so to speak. Sitting around in sweat pants is definitely more comfortable than the clothes you wear when you are trying to impress someone enough to marry you. Gone are the days of pretending that you like certain things or are a certain way (when you aren’t) because your spouse will learn the truth quickly. You also start getting a certain level of respect from other people in this world who seem to see marriage as a rite of passage into adult hood.

Other advantages of married life versus single life are two incomes, which can make it a lot easier to get the things you want in life. You will always have someone to wake up to in the morning, to wish you happy birthday and to spend the holidays with. There will be someone there when you get home in a terrible mood and someone that you can take out your frustrations on who won’t hate you for it. Married life often allows a seamless tradition to having children and can always give you an out when you are invited to do those things in life that you just don’t want to do. Another benefit to married life is that sex, while not as frequent as you may like, isn’t something you have to prowl for. If you are in the mood chances are there is someone right beside you who will oblige. One of the nicest things about married life is having a partner. If the marriage is good and stable – having that person in your life that is a constant (although not perfect) can make you feel stronger and better equipped to tackle this world.

A Bachelor’s Life Interrupted

Ten months ago, this gorgeous Italian girl and I became nuptial newbies. We took the leap, tied the knot, and said the vows that Jesus says last a lifetime. The decision I made on August 2, 2014 has become the turning point commitment of my existence; a day that changed my life’s entire trajectory.

Before my beautiful bride came around, I like to think that I was an eligible bachelor. Reaching beyond the common stereotypes of American bachelorhood, my life was designed in such a way that I chose everything: my schedule, my dinner, my Saturdays, my travels, my social interactions, my coffee, and my dreams. Literally, everything I did was the fruit of my own wants, needs, and desires; and frankly, I loved it.

Once we started dating more seriously and engagement was on the horizon, many married men and women told me how different married life would be compared to the “carefree” bachelorhood I had been living (which wasn’t always so “carefree,” by the way). I would quickly say, “Well of course it is,” as I shrugged off their predictable marital preaching. Married folks love to offer advice. I do have to admit though: They were right. My life has been drastically different since getting married. These past months I have been coming to grips with the notion that my life has been interrupted by an “other.”

An honest look back has called me to question the choice to get married. Not because I don’t love my wife (I do!), but because of what I “gave up” by saying the life-long vows of sacramental marriage. To have my life interrupted was an absolutely crazy decision. Why would a 21st century twenty-something male decide to surrender his bachelorhood/freedom to make space for an “other” in his life, and therefore, freely decide to make his everything, their everything, everyday for the rest of the only life he has? Marriage is an absolutely outrageous establishment. And to many of my fellow millennials, not something we’re interested in . . .

However, a more honest look uncovers a profoundly stronger, deeper, and more intimate experience. The truth is that the blood running through my veins has been relentlessly searching for something or someone to give myself to for years. Even now, I feel it; I know it intensely, and though at times in my life I tried to suppress it, I can’t help but desire to completely give myself away to an “other.” I have been searching for this “other” for as long as I can remember. The desire appears risky, vulnerable, and mysterious, through for some reason I have always sensed that giving myself away would actually bring about the freedom for which my heart longs.

I could have continued to thrive in my life of bachelorhood. I was very happy, content, and in many ways, fulfilled. However, this risky longing I felt in my heart to give myself away was so obvious, so ingrained, and so profound that once I found Emily (my wife) I could do nothing but humbly attempt to give everything to this “other” in a full, complete, lasting, and permanent way.

There is much to learn and embrace in our everyday interactions and shared life. However, it’s as though my gift of self is what I was made for, designed for; and in the last ten months I can clearly see it is where I experience true freedom.

I believe our lives are meant to be given to something or someone greater. Namely, sacramental marriage, priesthood, religious life, or a generous single life. Our self-giving is where true meaning, purpose, and authentic joy takes shape. It is when we are selfish and turn inward that we lose sight of the true gift that our existence is meant to be. No matter your current calling or your current search for one, my experience tells me true joy, happiness, and love only comes from the conscious choice to give selflessly every day. It is there, in the everyday gift of self, where freedom lies.

Married Vs Single

Various studies have attempted to measure whether marriage truly makes people healthier and happier, and how it compares to the lives of bachelors and single ladies out there. Sure, being single may be more fun — and being married may be more comforting and meaningful. But how do these two different paths of life compare when it comes to health risks and benefits?

It’s often up to the individual to maintain health on their own, but certain lifestyles and life choices — like career or marriage — can definitely have an effect on your health and longevity. Here’s how.

HEART HEALTH

Consistent research has shown that being married is actually good for your heart. In one recent study out of New York University’s Lagone Medical Center, researchers found that married men and women had a five percent lower chance of cardiovascular disease compared to single people. Doctors aren't entirely sure why, but it's possible that since marriages typically offer a person emotional support, physical and intellectual intimacy, as well as deeper social ties to family, they might lower blood pressure and improve heart health overall.

However, another recent study out of Michigan State University plays devil’s advocate: It found that people in a bad marriage were actually more likely to experience negative cardiovascular effects, compared to people in good marriages. So it’s not necessarily about whether you’re married or not. It’s all about how happy it’s making you, and whether your relationship is healthy or strained.

“Married people seem healthier because marriage may promote health,” said Hui Liu, a Michigan State University sociologist who is an author of the study. “But it’s not that every marriage is better than none. The quality of marriage is really important.”

For single people, while you may not have the advantage of your risk of cardiovascular disease being lowered like your married counterparts, you can offset that with some other heart-healthy benefits of being single, like an increased likelihood to exercise, take care of yourself on your own, and surround yourself with close friends and family which can all act as stress reducers.

MENTAL HEALTH

Your spouse can drive you crazy. But so can isolation and loneliness. So which one wins?

According to Robin Simon, a professor of sociology at Wake Forest University, marriage has for a long time been associated with better mental health. "At this point, hundreds of studies document a robust relationship between marriage and improved mental health: Married people report significantly fewer symptoms of depression and are significantly less likely to abuse substances than their non-married counterparts," Simon writes in Psychiatry Weekly. "This is because marriage provides social support — including emotional, financial, and instrumental support. Also, married people have greater psychosocial (or coping) resources than the non-married — higher self-esteem and greater mastery."

At the same time, not having a spouse doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doomed to loneliness forever. In fact, it might mean the opposite. With more time at your disposal, you may have more friends to surround yourself with. Single people are far more likely to have a big group of people around them more often, which can make up for the "loneliness" they might feel in the romantic sense. And let's be straightforward: When you're single, you have less drama to deal with, and therefore less headache.

OBESITY

It seems that so far, marriage has most of the benefits. Perhaps except for this one: Married people are more likely to gain weight than their single counterparts.

One study found that married men were actually 25 percent more likely to be overweight or obese compared to other men — whether they were in committed relationships or single. The authors of thestudy argue that “once [people] get married they let themselves go,” meaning an individual may be more likely to stay in shape and groom themselves when they’re out on the market and trying to attract mates. Once you’re settled into a comfortable routine with the same person, the emphasis on looks and waistline may not matter as much. Another study found that unmarried adults exercised more than married adults.

LONGEVITY

Getting married is a good way to live longer — at least that's what research says. Having a family and living with a spouse gives individuals something to live for, compared to their single counterparts who may have been used to living a self-centered life. Researchers have also found that men, in particular, benefit from marriage in the life span department. They're less likely to commit suicide than their single counterparts, and they're more likely to do things like go to the doctor, get their check-ups, stop drinking alcohol, and take their medication because their wives stay on top of them. Likewise, one study found that married people recovered much quicker from surgery than single people, because they had someone to take care of them.

Again, if your marriage is unhealthy, unhappy, and it contributes significantly to stress, emotional strain, and obesity, then I'd imagine these benefits dissolve.

But at the end of the day, it's not necessarily what you have but rather what you do with it. Whether single or married, it's important to focus on the quality of your relationship, friendships, and your own self-care rather than comparing yourself to your single friends or couple friends and assuming it's always greener on the other side.

Don’t be a Bachelor : Why Married Men Work Harder, Smarter and Make More Money

It’s increasingly common these days for young people to regard marriage as “just a piece of paper.” A record share of Americans are postponing or foregoing marriage, and a growing share of young adultsthink marriage is obsolete or comparatively unimportant.

But Doug Taulbee, a 37-year-old from Maineville, Ohio is not one of those marriage naysayers.

At age 18, Taulbee was content to work a $16,000-a-year job operating a press at a factory in Indiana and live in his parents’ basement. “I really didn’t have a care in the world,” Taulbee said. “I didn’t really have any bills.”

After marrying at 19 and having kids, Taulbee’s perspective changed: “I had to step up and think about something besides myself and start taking care of them.”

Taulbee quit his factory job, joined the Army—where housing and health care for a family were included, and his annual salary jumped to about $24,000—and then sought regular opportunities to get promoted so as to provide a “better lifestyle for them.” Recently, in a bid to further boost his family’s income, he left the Army to work as a finance manager at a car dealership, where he is now pulling in six figures.

Men who are reluctant to settle down until they make more money – and women who spurn low-wage men – could benefit from what Taulbee has discovered: Marriage has a transformative effect on adult behavior, emotional health, and financial well-being—particularly for men.  (Parenthood is more transformative for women.)

Men who get married work harder and more strategically, and earn more money than their single peers from similar backgrounds. Marriage also transforms men’s social worlds; they spend less time with friends and more time with family; they also go to bars less and to church more. In the provocative words of Nobel Laureate George Akerlof, men “settle down when they get married; if they fail to get married they fail to settle down.”

Research findings on heterosexual marriage are surprisingly consistent with Akerlof’s insight, especially when it comes to engaging the world of work.

Our research, featured in a recent report, “For Richer, For Poorer: How Family Structures Economic Success in America,” indicates that men who are married work about 400 hours more per year  than their single peers with equivalent backgrounds. They also work more strategically:one Harvard study found that married men were much less likely than their single peers to quit their current job unless they had lined up another job.

This translates into a substantial marriage premium for men. On average, young married men, aged 28-30, make $15,900 more than their single peers, and married men aged 44-46 make $18,800 more than their single peers.

That’s even after controlling for differences in education, race, ethnicity, regional unemployment, and scores on a test of general knowledge. What’s more: the marriage premium operates for black, Hispanic, and less-educated men in much the same way as it does for men in general.

For instance, men with a high-school degree or less make at least $17,000 more than their single peers.

Why is there such a substantial marriage premium? Could it simply be that the kind of men who get and stay married have certain characteristics? Perhaps the marrying kind is more charming, hard-working, or ambitious.

And yet the research suggests at least part of the marriage premium is causal: one study showed gains at work when men are married compared to when the same men were not married and another study of twins found that married twins earned 26 percent more than their identical twins who were not married.

Some worry that what we’re really saying is that it is wives’ job to make their men better. But the reality is much more complex.

Here are some of the ways marriage appears to transform men’s approach to work and the way employers treat them .

1.  After marrying, men assume a new identity. Marriage is one of the last “rite[s] of passage into manhood” remaining in our society, argues sociologist Steven Nock in Marriage in Men’s Lives. He found that marriage engenders an ethic of familial responsibility among men, as well as a new-found sense of meaning and status in the world. Marriage also encourages men to take their role as providers seriously.

2. Married men are motivated to maximize their income. For many men, this responsibility ethic translates into a different orientation toward work, more hours, and more strategic work choices. Sociologist Elizabeth Gorman finds that married men are more likely to value higher-paying jobs than their single peers.

This is partly why studies find that men increase their work hours after marrying and reduce their hours after divorcing. It’s also why married men are less likely to quit a current job without finding a new job. Indeed, they are also less likely to be fired than their single peers.

3. Married men benefit from the advice and encouragement of their wives. Although there is less research on this, we suspect that men also work harder and more strategically because they are encouraged to do so by their wives, who have an obvious interest in their success. One study appears to buttress this point, finding that men with better-educated wives earn more, even after controlling for their own education.

4. Employers like married men with children.  There is evidencethat employers  prefer and promote men who are married with children, especially compared to their childless male peers and to mothers. Married men are often seen as more responsible and dedicated workers and are rewarded with more opportunities by employers. While illegal bias and long-held stereotypes appear to play a role in this historic preference, it nonetheless helps explain why married family men get paid more.

The benefits of marriage for men no longer exact as high a price on women in the workplace, however.

Childless women also receive a marriage premium today. And though married mothers still earn significantly less than do married fathers, a new study finds that the motherhood penalty is now lower for married women than it is for never-married women, probably because married moms have more support at home in raising children. So for modern women, there’s a motherhood rather than a marriage penalty.

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